Okay, let me get this straight. I would rather be home, rain or shine. The outside world takes so much of my energy, and honestly, I am not going to explain why.

Back to the rain.

Since I do not like going out, you would think I would love rainy days. You know, the perfect excuse to stay inside without feeling guilty about it. But no. Big NO!

Rain and gloomy weather suck everything out of me. It makes me feel suffocated, trapped, and strangely sad. The funny thing is, I would not be going out even if the weather was beautiful. A sunny day does not suddenly transform me into an outdoorsy person. It is difficult to explain.

There is just something about the rain falling on the roof and the ground. Something about watching raindrops land on leaves while they sway in the wind. Every time I see it, it feels like the rain is disturbing their peace. Like the leaves were minding their own business and suddenly got interrupted. Weird.

I know. I know there are places that desperately need rain. In fact, where I grew up in the Philippines, some farmers depended on it. Running water pumps for rice fields could be expensive, so many of them waited for the rainy season before they could begin working their land. Oh gosh, I am rambling again.

Still, I sometimes find myself wondering what is actually good about the rain. If I am going to romanticize it, I guess rain means fluffy blankets, hot cocoa, a Harry Potter marathon, or getting completely lost in a book series for days. Speaking of books. During the rainy season in 2024, I read the entire Throne of Glass series. Waaah nine books! I absolutely devoured them. Is it my favorite series of all time? No. But something about the story kept pulling me back until I had finished every last page.

Also, completely unrelated, I am currently watching, or maybe just listening to, The Love Hypothesis while typing this. Apparently Dr. Adam Carlsen is afraid of needles. Hahaha

Anyway. Back to the main topic. I actually used to love the rain.

Growing up in the Philippines, rainy days felt magical when you were a kid. Rain meant waking up early and listening to the radio, hoping to hear the announcement that classes were canceled. Rain meant running outside with your friends and playing until your fingers looked like raisins, your lips turned blue, and you were shaking from the cold. Then you would come home, take a warm shower, and eat instant ramen or champorado while the rain continued outside. Ahhhh. Those were good times. Maybe that is why my relationship with rain feels so strange now. Somewhere along the way, it changed.

As an adult, rain stopped feeling like freedom and started feeling like inconvenience. There were no class cancellations anymore. Work did not stop just because the sky decided to pour. Unless your workplace was practically underwater, you still had to go. You squeezed yourself into an overcrowded jeepney or bus and arrived looking worse than a soaked chicken. Funny how some things never change.

Now I am 38 years old. If I get caught in the rain, I still look like a wet chicken. The only difference is that I wear glasses now. Which brings me to an important question. Why do eyeglasses still not come with tiny windshield wipers? Humanity has sent people into space, but we still have not solved this problem.

Anyway. These days, rain feels different. It carries a sadness that I cannot quite explain. Not overwhelming sadness. Just a quiet heaviness. The kind that settles in your chest and makes everything feel a little slower. Maybe it is because rain reminds me of time passing. Maybe it reminds me that childhood is over. Or maybe it is simply one of those feelings that does not need a reason. All I know is that somewhere between playing in the rain and commuting through it, my feelings about it changed. And honestly, I still have not figured out exactly why.

How about you? Do you like the rain?

Love, Rosie